Who Can Translate Piranha?

A mi? Prefiero Espanol!

Jennifer Aniston es bonita, y Jason Bateman es cómico, pero con un expresión extraño. Porque Jason Bateman? Porque?

La tilde es un esperma. ¡Que interesante!

Early Birthday Present pour moi, anyone?

Sex may be all fine and good, but I LOVE Kristen Schaal. I mean, can you think of another comedienne who has a routine about Anne Boleyn? Me neither. And don't get me started about the bit she has where she reads the teenage caterpillar's diary...

But cover-art-wise, this is just superlative, right? Who needs crotchless undies when there are granny panties and gym socks to be worn? Kristen S., stop seducing me with your Playtex 24-hour bra and your wit. And the Botticelli allusion goes without saying. Awesome. Plus, the Cupid in the corner is Rich Blomquist, KS's real-life boyfriend as well as her collaborator/a Daily Show writer. Who has lovely abs. I better stop writing about this, before my geeky fangirldom turns into downright jealousy...

Your homework: google "Kristen Schaal" and watch every video you can find. Do it, kiddies. It's for your own good.

I Don't Get It

Grab life by the balls? Wouldn't this make more sense if the main character was an actor with testicular cancer? Really, I don't understand how the pun operates in this context. Is it because she's holding a beach ball? Is that enough to make this pun clever? Does Laura Linney, when diagnosed with a terminal illness, become ESPECIALLY into beach volleyball?

I'm not trying to be snarky. I'm looking for answers.

I bet this'll be a good show. I like how channels like HBO and Showtime give actresses like Laura Linney, Toni Collette, and Tracy Ullmann a platform for their awesomeness.

An Open Letter to Hollywood

Dear Hollywood:

When you try to inspire me with inspirational posters, pictures with too much sun or too much sky, it makes me want to run in the opposite direction and be even more cynical and sarcastic than I already am. Just a warning.

Best wishes,
Me












P.S. The trailer for The Company Men makes me think this is a modern-day reimagining of The Best Years of Our Lives (1946). Thoughts?

I Like This

I probably have no right to write about this poster, because I have never seen this director's most significant work to date, Pan's Labyrinth, and, in the interest of full disclosure: I couldn't even watch all of the trailer to this movie. It was too freaky for me. I'm straight-up not talented at scary movies.

That said, the artwork on this poster is damn cool. I'm glad that they didn't just shove Guy Pearce and Katie Holmes' faces on the poster, because this is way more eerie. Doesn't this look just like an Edward Gorey picture? Is it an Edward Gorey picture? I can't even tell. But it's fabulous.

Gorey, a children's book author/illustrator known for his "macabre" (thank you, Wikipedia) style, defended himself as such:

"If you're doing nonsense it has to be rather awful, because there'd be no point. I'm trying to think if there's sunny nonsense. Sunny, funny nonsense for children — oh, how boring, boring, boring. As Schubert said, there is no happy music. And that's true, there really isn't. And there's probably no happy nonsense, either."

I mean, nursery rhymes are pretty happy, aren't they? What about Edward Lear, with the owl and the pussycat who went to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat? Then again, nonsense is not unrelated to dream-logic or losing-touch with reality, which I guess makes it dangerous, scary, and not too happy. There is a case to be made: rock-a-bye baby, ring-around the rosy, it's all pretty intense stuff.

Anyway, this is a neat poster, and this is probably the closest I will ever get to seeing the movie.

Q: What's this blog for?

A: For me to make fun of or, alternatively, to praise movie and television posters. Sometimes to muse on other entertainment or pop-culture related items and occasionally, maybe, to wax philosophical, but mostly, it's about posters.

Thank You, ABC Family

Tagline: A good manny is hard to find.

...
OMG, are they remaking Who's The Boss? With Clarissa Darling as Judith Light and Joey "Whoa" Lawrence doing his best Tony Danza impression? What do you mean, it's not a shot-by-shot remake? What do you take me for? Some kind of television illiterate??

But, just for the record: remaking a show from the mid-'80s starring TV actors* who peaked in the mid-'90s, using a tag-line that hearkens to the era of Michael Keaton (Mr. Mom) and the pre-Gov. Arnold "Kindergarten Kop" Schwartenegger? This is just a Russian nesting doll of Kitsch. I'm pretty sure I can die happy now.